The Change In Me
by Marauderandahalf
Summary: In the summer before their seventh year, James and Lily constantly write to each other. James needs her help now more than ever. But will it be any different when they go back to Hogwarts? JK Rowling owns everything, I own nothing. Please review :
1. Chapter 1

_Tap tap tap._

Lily Evans opened her eyes and groaned. Turning over she scanned the room searching for the source of the noise. Finally, her eyes rested on a beautiful, snowy owl who was tapping at her window. Lily noticed that she had a small piece of parchment attached to her leg. Lily got up and opened the window, taking care not to displace the owl from her perch. She detached the parchment. Before unrolling the parchment, Lily chucked a couple of owl treats to the owl. Without further ado, the owl clipped her beak and flew off. Lily's own owl, Apollo, who had been staring ferociously at the snowy owl now snapped his beak at Lily. Lily sighed, "Ugh! Fine! You can have some too, you daft bird!" she threw a couple of treats into his cage and sat down on her bed. Lily unrolled the parchment and looked at it. _Lily, _it said_, can you write back? Please?__  
><em>Though the letter was not signed, Lily would know that writing anywhere. But, she would never admit that to anyone out loud. The person that had sent her that letter was very well known to her. James Potter. Lily sighed. Why was he writing to her? Lily and James had a fraught relationship, to put it lightly. James Potter was achingly handsome, he was the Gryffndor Quidditch captain, and a well know player. Lily found him insufferably annoying. She considered him to be an arrogant toe-rag. Plus, it didn't help that for the six years they had known each other, he had never failed to ask her out at least once every day. Him and his three friends referred to themselves as the Marauders. They were notorious pranksters and in Lily's view, bullies. It didn't help that Lily was attracted to James. But she refused to even acknowledge his presence for fear of discovery.  
>Sighing, Lily picked up a quill. She sat on her bed for nearly twenty minutes trying to figure out how to reply. Finally she scrawled down two words. <em>Yes, James?<em>  
>She opened the cage and attached her reply to Apollo's leg. He flew out of the window, and Lily went downstairs, in search of breakfast.<br>James Potter was pacing. He was walking backwards and forwards in a secluded part of the massive expanse that was the gardens of the Potter Manor. He was inwardly cursing himself for sending the letter. No. It wasn't a letter, James. It was a stupid note. James groaned. He could hear Sirius and his mother calling him in for breakfast. But he wouldn't go up. He needed desperately to be alone and he really only craved the company of a certain red haired individual. James' love for Lily Evans was a well known fact. However, the fact that James Potter was madly in love with Lily Evans did not stop some of Hogwarts' more loose female inhabitants throwing themselves at him. Each time though, he would politely turn them down with a curt no. The fact that he was madly in love with Lily Evans did not insure any attention from the girl herself. So, for every day of every year he had known her, James has tried fruitlessly to get her attention. But the result had been that Lily Evans hated him. It had been horrible being torn apart by the one he loved, but it had gotten slightly better last year. James had apologised for the issue with Snape after OWLs in fifth year, and Lily had forgiven him. But this year was their last year in Hogwarts and James was determined to make a change. He also needed emotional help and lily was the only person who he wanted to sympathise with him now- if she would even reply. James looked up at the sky hopefully. Sure enough, a snowy owl came soaring down towards him. It was Lily's owl,l Apollo. It always amused James that they both had snowy owls. But he had never been more relieved or exited to see that owl in his life. Apollo soared down and landed on James' shoulder, nipping his ear affectionately. "Hey, little guy! D'you bring me a response?" Apollo nipped James' ear again. James laughed for the first time in a while. It felt weird. It had always #!*% Lily off that her owl enjoyed James' company more than hers. He eagerly pulled the parchment from Apollo's leg. Two words had never made him happier in his life. She had replied! And she knew it was him! He could have jumped for joy, but remembering why he had written in the first place quickly reinstated his previous mood. James made his way back to the house, but he skirted around the edges to avoid being seen. He found his favourite room in the house, a little alcove just off the kitchen. No- one actually knew about it which made it his. As he entered the kitchen, the family house elf, Hermie, spotted him. Putting a finger to his lips, he slipped into the alcove. Hermie nodded; she understood him completely. James settled down and picked up his quill and ink and started his reply.

_Dear Lily,_ he wrote.  
><em>First of all, I'm surprised you knew it was me! How did you know? Anyway, thank you for replying. You really have no idea how much it means to me, truly. I need to talk to someone, and honestly I could only imagine sharing this problem with you. If you don't want to know just tell me. I just don't feel comfortable sharing it with Sirius or Remus. And Peter, well he is dim emotionally at the best of times. It sounds strange that I can't share it with them even though I consider them to be my brothers. But they know too much about me. <em>

_Lily. My dad is dying. Oh god, I've said it now. He is dying Lily, and I don't know what to do. He won't admit it but I know it's true. It's dragon pox and normally it can be cured like that. But years of being an auror has caught up on him. He can't fight it. Lily, it has made me realise how much I take for granted. So, I have made myself a promise. He is slowly fading away; I think he has three months at best. But, I will live on for him. This year, I am going to change. He would want that.__  
><em>_Yours,__  
><em>_James_  
>James saw his owl fly in through the window in the corner of the alcove. He quickly tied the letter to the owl's leg before he could change his mind. As he watched his owl fly away, he cursed. "What have I done?" He muttered to himself. But there was nothing he could do then but wait. So James Potter curled up in the alcove of his kitchen, and waited.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N **Hey everyone! I realise that I should have done this earlier, but I was eager to get the chapter up and see how it worked out. So, this is my first fanfic. After continuously reading them , I decided to write my own. I'm from Ireland, so it will be European spellings- no American. Thanks to **Super Cara ** for that review. :) Thanks, I've taken it on board. Well enjoy, and review if you'd like.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. Everything belongs to JK. Rowling.

* * *

><p>Lily was lounging on her bed, flicking though <em>Hogwarts: a History<em>. She wasn't really focusing though, and she kept sneaking glances out of the window. But she was just awarded with glimpses of her neighbours as they went about their daily business. She watched as a couple of girls sat on the wall opposite her house. They were watching a group of boys who were clearly trying to impress them. The girls were just looking at them with disgust. Lily was oddly reminded of her relationship with James. For years he had followed her around annoying her with his stupid ways. She had rejected him and ignored him every single time. She had had Sev, and she had got along just fine.

But then in their fifth year when she had defended him from Potter and she had been rewarded with a derogatory term, Mudblood. Lily shuddered. Even thinking about it made her angry and upset. Severus had truly severed what was left of their friendship. It had killed Lily but she had been watching him and she knew that she didn't fit in with his new friends. Mulciber and Avery; two truly disturbing blokes. They were part of the infamous "Death Eaters"- followers of Lord Voldemort. Lily was scared of Voldemort. She knew that it was pointless to deny it. He was determined to cleanse the wizarding world of undesirables. And as a muggleborn, Lily fell into this category.  
>Lily was interrupted by a commotion outside. James' owl was peering in through the window, beating her wings furiously against the glass. Lily jumped up, "Alright. Alright! I'm coming!" She opened the window and detached the letter. She sank into her chair and began to read.<p>

By the end of James' letter Lily didn't know what to think. The James Potter that was speaking to her through this letter was one she had never encountered before. Sure, they had become closer since the start of their sixth year but the James she knew was still the prankster with little regard for other people's feelings. After re-reading the letter for the fifth time, Lily lay back on her bed. She truly didn't know how to deal with this. She had never lost anyone close to her or even experienced the prospect of losing someone. She had no advice. For a minute, Lily longed to just be near James and to hug him. But she pushed that thought to the back of her mind. Now was not the time for irrational thoughts. She needed to figure out how to help him from where she was now. She sighed. She was still surprised he had written to her. God! She had alienated him for so long she was amazed that he still trusted her. To be honest she was quite ashamed of how she had acted for the last couple of years. Not just to James but to the Marauders and other people in general. So,right there and then Lily Evans decided to make a change too. This year she would control her temper- or at least try.  
>Lily realised that she still had to reply to James and with more than two words this time. She sat at her desk and pulled out her quill. She sat there for nearly an hour forming a response in her head. She was finding it very difficult.<br>_  
>Dear James,<em> she wrote,  
><em>I don't know what to say. You know me- that doesn't usually happen. But I truly find it difficult to use words that could be of any comfort. All I can say is hang in there, James. You have an amazing support network- your Mum, Sirius, Remus and me. You have me, James. Don't ever forget that. And, James? You will get through it, I know it. So, just remember that there are people there to talk to. You need to talk to people, James. The last thing you want to do is go through this alone.<em>_  
><em>_Lily_

Lily read over the letter a couple of times. There were so many other things she wanted to say in that letter. She wanted to tell him that he was strong, brave, and courageous. But she didn't. Because, Lily reminded herself, this was James Potter she was talking about. He already had an incredibly inflated ego. True, she was writing to him, sympathising with him, but she had to be careful. For all she knew, this could be his and Sirius' idea of a sick joke. But, maybe it wasn't. Maybe he did need her help. Lily scolded herself. How could she be so cruel to someone who was suffering? Doubting their suffering, even. _But why should you write?_ A voice inside her asked. He _may be good looking and all but this is James Potter, the boy who you go out of your way to ignore._ _Because, he is in need,_ Lily countered_. I will not deny anyone emotional support even if it is bloody James Potter._ _But,maybe_, the other voice whispered_, it's because you want to._ Lily quickly shoved that thought to the back of her mind.

She read over the letter once again. She wanted to delay sending it just to have more time to change it if necessary. However, she knew that James would be anxious for a reply. She tied it to Apollo's leg, who by now knew where he was heading. Watching the letter go, Lily couldn't help wonder if this was all a big mistake. Was she letting herself become vulnerable. _No._ She thought firmly. _He needs my help, and I am a kind person. Of course I will give it. Sighing_, she went downstairs. She was greeted by Petunia who scowled at her and muttered "Freak" under her breath. Lily turned on her.

"Are you not a bit old for that, Petunia?" she dragged out her sisters name, bring attention to the fact that she had used it. Lily only ever called her sister Tuney or Pet.

Petunia glared at her, "Well, _Lily,_ when you stop being a freak, I will stop calling you one. Because that's what you are, Lily. A freak!" Lily had had enough. She had endured nearly seven years of this tormenting, but today she was just not able to cope. She slapped Petunia across the face. Petunia screamed. "What have you_ done_? I have a dinner with Vernon tonight and you have ruined my face! I hate you, Lily!"

The girl's mother, Emily, ran in. "What is going on he-" she stopped as she took in the scene. "Lily! What did you do?" Lily glared at her sister before answering.

"I have had _enough_ of her calling me a freak! I get called bad enough stuff in the wizarding world; I don't need it when I come home!"  
>"Home?" Petunia questioned "I think a home implies welcome, and you most certainly are not!"<p>

"Petunia!" Emily yelled "Stop that right now! Lily is a part of this family. She always has and always will!' Petunia muttered something vehemently under her breath. "What was that Petunia?" her mother asked. Lily shook her head.

"I don't want to know," she muttered. Emily looked at her sadly before glaring at Petunia. Petunia, in response, flounced off. Emily enveloped her daughter in a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Lily. It will get better, I promise. Once Petunia is married she will be too busy to anger you. Lily tensed, "What did you say?"

"Don't talk to me that way, Lily Evans."

"No, no, no. Did you say Tuney is getting married?" Emily nodded. "_What?"_ Lily yelled. Petunia looked in around the corner, "What's the freak yelling about now?"

Lily rounded on her. "You are geting _married?_ And you didn't think to tell me? I'm your only sister, Tuney!" Petunia sniffed.

"No, Lily. You are a freak, not my sister. And yes, I am getting married. To Vernon." She sighed and looked into the distance. Lily was not going to let her off too easily. "That _oaf_? My sister? Marrying that idiot, Merlin!" Petunia glared at her. "Do not use that word near me. I don't want to catch your freakiness." she said scornfully. Before she started to cry openly, Lily turned on her heel and ran out, ignoring Petunia's muttered "Typical."

Miles away, a snowy owl flew down into the grounds of Potter Mansion.


End file.
